Have you been hearing debates about “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” and wanting to understand the debate in more depth? I’ve got you covered!
I did a deep-dive on this debate last year. If you just want the net-net (and this is my concurrence with numerous feminist writers I cite, who I think make a conclusive case- not particularly original thinking on my part):
In 1944, when the song was written, it was absolutely unthinkable within “polite society” for a woman to spend the night at a man’s house if she wasn’t married to him. If you look closely (and understand the references in their historical context) this is a song about an unmarried pair on a date who want the night to continue at his place, and are coming up with reasons why she should stay over that will be acceptable to the woman’s strict family and nosy community. The song is a cheeky rebellion against what we would now call the “slut shaming” of the era, celebrating a woman’s desire to stay over at a man’s house if she wants, family and slut-shaming community be-damned.
All that said – and this is more my commentary/opinion now: the culture has changed enough in 75 years (thankfully) that what was once a cheeky rebellion against socially-conservative slut-shaming, now when heard in a ~2020 context – perpetuates tropes that play into what we see as rape culture today. Namely, the idea that, in order to defend her public virtue, a woman needs to hide her desire to sleep with a man casually and say no at first out of custom. With that idea floating in the culture, men are more likely to believe women’s no’s are her just playing “hard to get” or putting up “token resistance” in order to not seem “easy” – thus disbelieving those no’s and not taking them at face value.
This historical dynamic is quite common – things that were progressive in their time, become regressive as time goes on (in part due to the very initial changes those earlier stances ushered in.) The writings of white abolitionists against slavery in the 1800’s are filled with things that we would clearly see as racist today. We can celebrate the stand they took at that time, while pointing out all the ways their rhetoric played into tropes we find unacceptable today.
Bottom line – I say we can appreciate the song as a romantic stance against the slut-shaming of the 1940s, while still pointing out the ways its stance perpetuates slut-shaming in the context of what we’ve learned and developed since then.
If you want to read a LOT more detail on this, read my article, called “Beyond the Courtship Script: ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ and the Ironies of Contemporary Sexual Morality.” And thank you to the feminist scholars whose work educated me on this.
